Chapter 27

The anthem booms in my ears, and then I hear Caesar Flickerman greeting the
audience. Does he know how crucial it is to get every word right from now on? He
must. He will want to help us. The crowd breaks into applause as the prep teams
are presented. I imagine Flavius, Venia, and Octavia bouncing around and taking
ridiculous, bobbing bows. It’s a safe bet they’re clueless. Then Effie’s introduced.
How long she’s waited for this moment. I hope she’s able to enjoy it because as
misguided as Effie can be, she has a very keen instinct about certain things and
must at least suspect we’re in trouble. Portia and Cinna receive huge cheers, of
course, they’ve been brilliant, had a dazzling debut. I now understand Cinna’s
choice of dress for me for tonight. I’ll need to look as girlish and innocent as
possible. Haymitch’s appearance brings a round of stomping that goes on at least
five minutes. Well, he’s accomplished a first. Keeping not only one but two tributes
alive. What if he hadn’t warned me in time? Would I have acted differently?
Flaunted the moment with the berries in the Capitol’s face? No, I don’t think so.

But I could easily have been a lot less convincing than I need to be now. Right
now. Because I can feel the plate lifting me up to the stage.

Blinding lights. The deafening roar rattles the metal under my feet. Then
there’s Peeta just a few yards away. He looks so clean and healthy and beautiful, I
can hardly recognize him. But his smile is the same whether in mud or in the
Capitol and when I see it, I take about three steps and fling myself into his arms.

He staggers back, almost losing his balance, and that’s when I realize the slim,
metal contraption in his hand is some kind of cane. He rights himself and we just
cling to each other while the audience goes insane. He’s kissing me and all the
time I’m thinking, Do you know? Do you know how much danger we’re in? After
about ten minutes of this, Caesar Flickerman taps on his shoulder to continue the
show, and Peeta just pushes him aside without even glancing at him. The audience
goes berserk. Whether he knows or not, Peeta is, as usual, playing the crowd
exactly right.

Finally, Haymitch interrupts us and gives us a good-natured shove toward the
victor’s chair. Usually, this is a single, ornate chair from which the winning tribute
watches a film of the highlights of the Games, but since there are two of us, the
Gamemakers have provided a plush red velvet couch. A small one, my mother
would call it a love seat, I think. I sit so close to Peeta that I’m practically on his
lap, but one look from Haymitch tells me it isn’t enough. Kicking off my sandals, I
tuck my feet to the side and lean my head against Peeta’s shoulder. His arm goes
around me automatically, and I feel like I’m back in the cave, curled up against
him, trying to keep warm. His shirt is made of the same yellow material as my
dress, but Portia’s put him in long black pants. No sandals, either, but a pair of
sturdy black boots he keeps solidly planted on the stage. I wish Cinna had given
me a similar outfit, I feel so vulnerable in this flimsy dress. But I guess that was the
point.

Caesar Flickerman makes a few more jokes, and then it’s time for the show.
This will last exactly three hours and is required viewing for all of Panem. As the
lights dim and the seal appears on the screen, I realize I’m unprepared for this. I
do not want to watch my twenty-two fellow tributes die. I saw enough of them die
the first time. My heart starts pounding and I have a strong impulse to run. How
have the other victors faced this alone? During the highlights, they periodically
show the winner’s reaction up on a box in the corner of the screen. I think back to
earlier years . . . some are triumphant, pumping their fists in the air, beating their
chests. Most just seem stunned. All I know is that the only thing keeping me on this
love seat is Peeta — his arm around my shoulder, his other hand claimed by both
of mine. Of course, the previous victors didn’t have the Capitol looking for a way
to destroy them.

Condensing several weeks into three hours is quite a feat, especially when you
consider how many cameras were going at once. Whoever puts together the
highlights has to choose what sort of story to tell. This year, for the first time, they
tell a love story. I know Peeta and I won, but a disproportionate amount of time is
spent on us, right from the beginning. I’m glad though, because it supports the
whole crazy-in-love thing that’s my defense for defying the Capitol, plus it means
we won’t have as much time to linger over the deaths.

The first half hour or so focuses on the pre-arena events, the reaping, the
chariot ride through the Capitol, our training scores, and our interviews. There’s
this sort of upbeat soundtrack playing under it that makes it twice as awful
because, of course, almost everyone on-screen is dead.

Once we’re in the arena, there’s detailed coverage of the bloodbath and then
the filmmakers basically alternate between shots of tributes dying and shots of us.
Mostly Peeta really, there’s no question he’s carrying this romance thing on his
shoulders. Now I see what the audience saw, how he misled the Careers about me,
stayed awake the entire night under the tracker jacker tree, fought Cato to let me
escape and even while he lay in that mud bank, whispered my name in his sleep. I
seem heartless in comparison — dodging fireballs, dropping nests, and blowing up
supplies — until I go hunting for Rue. They play her death in full, the spearing, my
failed rescue attempt, my arrow through the boy from District 1’s throat, Rue
drawing her last breath in my arms. And the song. I get to sing every note of the
song. Something inside me shuts down and I’m too numb to feel anything. It’s like
watching complete strangers in another Hunger Games. But I do notice they omit
the part where I covered her in flowers.

Right. Because even that smacks of rebellion.

Things pick up for me once they’ve announced two tributes from the same
district can live and I shout out Peeta’s name and then clap my hands over my
mouth. If I’ve seemed indifferent to him earlier, I make up for it now, by finding
him, nursing him back to health, going to the feast for the medicine, and being
very free with my kisses. Objectively, I can see the mutts and Cato’s death are as
gruesome as ever, but again, I feel it happens to people I have never met.

And then comes the moment with the berries. I can hear the audience hushing
one another, not wanting to miss anything. A wave of gratitude to the filmmakers
sweeps over me when they end not with the announcement of our victory, but with
me pounding on the glass door of the hovercraft, screaming Peeta’s name as they
try to revive him.

In terms of survival, it’s my best moment all night.

The anthem’s playing yet again and we rise as President Snow himself takes
the stage followed by a little girl carrying a cushion that holds the crown. There’s
just one crown, though, and you can hear the crowd’s confusion — whose head
will he place it on? — until President Snow gives it a twist and it separates into two
halves. He places the first around Peeta’s brow with a smile. He’s still smiling
when he settles the second on my head, but his eyes, just inches from mine, are
as unforgiving as a snake’s.

That’s when I know that even though both of us would have eaten the berries, I
am to blame for having the idea. I’m the instigator. I’m the one to be punished.
Much bowing and cheering follows. My arm is about to fall off from waving
when Caesar Flickerman finally bids the audience good night, reminding them to
tune in tomorrow for the final interviews. As if they have a choice.

Peeta and I are whisked to the president’s mansion for the Victory Banquet,
where we have very little time to eat as Capitol officials and particularly generous
sponsors elbow one another out of the way as they try to get their picture with us.
Face after beaming face flashes by, becoming increasingly intoxicated as the
evening wears on. Occasionally, I catch a glimpse of Haymitch, which is
reassuring, or President Snow, which is terrifying, but I keep laughing and thanking
people and smiling as my picture is taken. The one thing I never do is let go of
Peeta’s hand.

The sun is just peeking over the horizon when we straggle back to the twelfth
floor of the Training Center. I think now I’ll finally get a word alone with Peeta, but
Haymitch sends him off with Portia to get something fitted for the interview and
personally escorts me to my door.

“Why can’t I talk to him?” I ask.

“Plenty of time for talk when we get home,” says Haymitch. “Go to bed, you’re
on air at two.”

Despite Haymitch’s running interference, I’m determined to see Peeta
privately. After I toss and turn for a few hours, I slip into the hall. My first thought
is to check the roof, but it’s empty. Even the city streets far below are deserted
after the celebration last night. I go back to bed for a while and then decide to go
directly to his room, but when I try to turn the knob, I find my own bedroom door
has been locked from the outside. I suspect Haymitch initially, but then there’s a
more insidious fear that the Capitol may by monitoring and confining me. I’ve been
unable to escape since the Hunger Games began, but this feels different, much
more personal. This feels like I’ve been imprisoned for a crime and I’m awaiting
sentencing. I quickly get back in bed and pretend to sleep until Effie Trinket comes
to alert me to the start of another “big, big, big day!”

I have about five minutes to eat a bowl of hot grain and stew before the prep
team descends. All I have to say is, “The crowd loved you!” and it’s unnecessary
to speak for the next couple of hours. When Cinna comes in, he shoos them out
and dresses me in a white, gauzy dress and pink shoes. Then he personally adjusts
my makeup until I seem to radiate a soft, rosy glow. We make idle chitchat, but
I’m afraid to ask him anything of real importance because after the incident with
the door, I can’t shake the feeling that I’m being watched constantly.

The interview takes place right down the hall in the sitting room. A space has
been cleared and the love seat has been moved in and surrounded by vases of red
and pink roses. There are only a handful of cameras to record the event. No live
audience at least.

Caesar Flickerman gives me a warm hug when I. come in. “Congratulations,
Katniss. How are you faring?”

“Fine. Nervous about the interview,” I say.

“Don’t be. We’re going to have a fabulous time,” he says, giving my cheek a
reassuring pat.

“I’m not good at talking about myself,” I say.

“Nothing you say will be wrong,” he says.

And I think, Oh, Caesar, if only that were true. But actually, President Snow
may be arranging some sort of “accident” for me as we speak.

Then Peeta’s there looking handsome in red and white, pulling me off to the
side. “I hardly get to see you. Haymitch seems bent on keeping us apart.”

Haymitch is actually bent on keeping us alive, but there are too many ears
listening, so I just say, “Yes, he’s gotten very responsible lately.”

“Well, there’s just this and we go home. Then he can’t watch us all the time,”
says Peeta.

I feel a sort of shiver run through me and there’s no time to analyze why,
because they’re ready for us. We sit somewhat formally on the love seat, but
Caesar says, “Oh, go ahead and curl up next to him if you want. It looked very
sweet.” So I tuck my feet up and Peeta pulls me in close to him.

Someone counts backward and just like that, we’re being broadcast live to the
entire country. Caesar Flickerman is wonderful, teasing, joking, getting choked up
when the occasion presents itself. He and Peeta already have the rapport they
established that night of the first interview, that easy banter, so I just smile a lot
and try to speak as little as possible. I mean, I have to talk some, but as soon as I
can I redirect the conversation back to Peeta.

Eventually though, Caesar begins to pose questions that insist on fuller
answers. “Well, Peeta, we know, from our days in the cave, that it was love at first
sight for you from what, age five?” Caesar says.

“From the moment I laid eyes on her,” says Peeta.

“But, Katniss, what a ride for you. I think the real excitement for the audience
was watching you fall for him. When did you realize you were in love with him?”
asks Caesar.

“Oh, that’s a hard one . . .” I give a faint, breathy laugh and look down at my
hands. Help.

“Well, I know when it hit me. The night when you shouted out his name from
that tree,” says Caesar.

Thank you, Caesar! I think, and then go with his idea. “Yes, I guess that was it.
I mean, until that point, I just tried not to think about what my feelings might be,
honestly, because it was so confusing and it only made things worse if I actually
cared about him. But then, in the tree, everything changed,” I say.

“Why do you think that was?” urges Caesar.

“Maybe . . . because for the first time . . . there was a chance I could keep
him,” I say.

Behind a cameraman, I see Haymitch give a sort of huff with relief and I know
I’ve said the right thing. Caesar pulls out a handkerchief and has to take a moment
because he’s so moved. I can feel Peeta press his forehead into my temple and he
asks, “So now that you’ve got me, what are you going to do with me?”

I turn in to him. “Put you somewhere you can’t get hurt.” And when he kisses
me, people in the room actually sigh.

For Caesar, this is a natural place to segue into all the ways we did get hurt in
the arena, from burns, to stings, to wounds. But it’s not until we get around to the
mutts that I forget I’m on camera. When Caesar asks Peeta how his “new leg” is
working out.

“New leg?” I say, and I can’t help reaching out and pull ing up the bottom of
Peeta’s pants. “Oh, no,” I whisper, taking in the metal-and-plastic device that has
replaced his flesh.

“No one told you?” asks Caesar gently. I shake my head.

“I haven’t had the chance,” says Peeta with a slight shrug.

“It’s my fault,” I say. “Because I used that tourniquet.”

“Yes, it’s your fault I’m alive,” says Peeta.

“He’s right,” says Caesar. “He’d have bled to death for sure without it.”
I guess this is true, but I can’t help feeling upset about it to the extent that I’m
afraid I might cry and then I remember everyone in the country is watching me so I
just bury my face in Peeta’s shirt. It takes them a couple of minutes to coax me
back out because it’s better in the shirt, where no one can see me, and when I do
come out, Caesar backs off questioning me so I can recover. In fact, he pretty
much leaves me alone until the berries come up.

“Katniss, I know you’ve had a shock, but I’ve got to ask. The moment when you
pulled out those berries. What was going on in your mind . . . hm?” he says.

I take a long pause before I answer, trying to collect my thoughts. This is the
crucial moment where I either challenged the Capitol or went so crazy at the idea
of losing Peeta that I can’t be held responsible for my actions. It seems to call for a
big, dramatic speech, but all I get out is one almost inaudible sentence. “I don’t
know, I just . . . couldn’t bear the thought of . . . being without him.”

“Peeta? Anything to add?” asks Caesar.

“No. I think that goes for both of us,” he says.

Caesar signs off and it’s over. Everyone’s laughing and crying and hugging, but
I’m still not sure until I reach Haymitch. “Okay?” I whisper.

“Perfect,” he answers.

I go back to my room to collect a few things and find there’s nothing to take
but the mockingjay pin Madge gave me. Someone returned it to my room after the
Games. They drive us through the streets in a car with blackened windows, and
the train’s waiting for us. We barely have time to say good-bye to Cinna and
Portia, although we’ll see them in a few months, when we tour the districts for a
round of victory ceremonies. It’s the Capitol’s way of reminding people that the
Hunger Games never really go away. We’ll be given a lot of useless plaques, and
everyone will have to pretend they love us.

The train begins moving and we’re plunged into night until we clear the tunnel
and I take my first free breath since the reaping. Effie is accompanying us back
and Haymitch, too, of course. We eat an enormous dinner and settle into silence in
front of the television to watch a replay of the interview. With the Capitol growing
farther away every second, I begin to think of home. Of Prim and my mother. Of
Gale. I excuse myself to change out of my dress and into a plain shirt and pants.
As I slowly, thoroughly wash the makeup from my face and put my hair in its braid,
I begin transforming back into myself. Katniss Everdeen. A girl who lives in the
Seam. Hunts in the woods. Trades in the Hob. I stare in the mirror as I try to
remember who I am and who I am not. By the time I join the others, the pressure
of Peeta’s arm around my shoulders feels alien.

When the train makes a brief stop for fuel, we’re allowed to go outside for
some fresh air. There’s no longer any need to guard us. Peeta and I walk down
along the track, hand in hand, and I can’t find anything to say now that we’re
alone. He stops to gather a bunch of wildflowers for me. When he presents them, I
work hard to look pleased. Because he can’t know that the pink-and-white flowers
are the tops of wild onions and only remind me of the hours I’ve spent gathering
them with Gale.

Gale. The idea of seeing Gale in a matter of hours makes my stomach churn.
But why? I can’t quite frame it in my mind. I only know that I feel like I’ve been
lying to someone who trusts me. Or more accurately, to two people. I’ve been
getting away with it up to this point because of the Games. But there will be no
Games to hide behind back home.

“What’s wrong?” Peeta asks.

“Nothing,” I answer. We continue walking, past the end of the train, out where
even I’m fairly sure there are no cameras hidden in the scrubby bushes along the
track. Still no words come.

Haymitch startles me when he lays a hand on my back. Even now, in the
middle of nowhere, he keeps his voice down. “Great job, you two. Just keep it up in
the district until the cameras are gone. We should be okay.” I watch him head
back to the train, avoiding Peeta’s eyes.

“What’s he mean?” Peeta asks me.

“It’s the Capitol. They didn’t like our stunt with the berries,” I blurt out.
“What? What are you talking about?” he says.

“It seemed too rebellious. So, Haymitch has been coaching me through the last
few days. So I didn’t make it worse,” I say.

“Coaching you? But not me,” says Peeta.

“He knew you were smart enough to get it right,” I say.

“I didn’t know there was anything to get right,” says Peeta. “So, what you’re
saying is, these last few days and then I guess . . . back in the arena . . . that was
just some strategy you two worked out.”

“No. I mean, I couldn’t even talk to him in the arena, could I?” I stammer.
“But you knew what he wanted you to do, didn’t you?” says Peeta. I bite my lip.
“Katniss?” He drops my hand and I take a step, as if to catch my balance.
“It was all for the Games,” Peeta says. “How you acted.”

“Not all of it,” I say, tightly holding onto my flowers.

“Then how much? No, forget that. I guess the real question is what’s going to
be left when we get home?” he says.

“I don’t know. The closer we get to District Twelve, the more confused I get,” I
say. He waits, for further explanation, but none’s forthcoming.

“Well, let me know when you work it out,” he says, and the pain in his voice is
palpable.

I know my ears are healed because, even with the rumble of the engine, I can
hear every step he takes back to the train. By the time I’ve climbed aboard, Peeta
has disap peared into his room for the night. I don’t see him the next morning,
either. In fact, the next time he turns up, we’re pulling into District 12. He gives
me a nod, his face expressionless.

I want to tell him that he’s not being fair. That we were strangers. That I did
what it took to stay alive, to keep us both alive in the arena. That I can’t explain
how things are with Gale because I don’t know myself. That it’s no good loving me
because I’m never going to get married anyway and he’d just end up hating me
later instead of sooner. That if I do have feelings for him, it doesn’t matter
because I’ll never be able to afford the kind of love that leads to a family, to
children. And how can he? How can he after what we’ve just been through?
I also want to tell him how much I already miss him. But that wouldn’t be fair
on my part.

So we just stand there silently, watching our grimy little station rise up around
us. Through the window, I can see the platform’s thick with cameras. Everyone will
be eagerly watching our homecoming.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Peeta extend his hand. I look at him, unsure.

“One more time? For the audience?” he says. His voice isn’t angry. It’s hollow,
which is worse. Already the boy with the bread is slipping away from me.

I take his hand, holding on tightly, preparing for the cameras, and dreading the
moment when I will finally have to let go.

END OF BOOK ONE

Hunger Games

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